A Therapist’s Guidelines for A Great First Date

Safety First-Make sure you’ve thought about who’s going to be in control at what times and what situations before you go on that date. You don’t want to get caught fighting over a decision with yourself when you need to make one. Decide in advance which behaviors and situations are acceptable to you, and which are not. So long as you feel relaxed and have not crossed the limits, you should relax and enjoy the moment. Once a line is crossed, though, you have to be willing to take care of yourself and not just go along with something that you find uncomfortable, inappropriate or risky. I strongly suggest you visit young-devotion to learn more about this.

Here are some ways to figure out in advance what your limits are.

First Date-or Later Dates, the boundaries on the first date will be different from the later. The more you are conscious of your date, the more confident you can be. Set the line pretty high in the beginning though. Do not be respectful or forgiving if your new date shows signs of frustration, drunkenness, insanity, rudeness, arrogance (such as being left alone and flirting with others) recklessness or other humiliating or risky behaviour. Note, the partner should be on his best behaviour, and if you accept that, it’ll only get worse.

If the conduct of your date gets seriously out of order, then do not wait to leave. If you’re traveling for both of you say your date you’ll immediately take him or her home. If you’re not the only driver, tell your date that you want to be driven home (unless the driver drinks too much), and if that doesn’t work, get home by taxi or public transport. Sure, abandoning your partner, male or female, at the restaurant, at a pub, at a band, or at a movie is rude, but your date makes it necessary if he or she has been rude or out of line already. Leave enough money to pay the check, or see the waiter before you leave, if the date is your treat. If you stick to your first date limits, you will find your date will receive the message, and either move on to someone else (good riddance!), or apologize and correct the unacceptable behavior.

Here’s a partial list of the limits that you should set mentally in advance-there’s no need to talk about them unless you cross the lines.

Your drinking limit (driving and not driving) Your drinking limit (driving and not driving) Behavior limits (rudeness, social acceptability) Sexual limits (don’t allow yourself to be pressurized) Territory limits (don’t go to dangerous places) Distance limits (don’t get too far from home)* Evite anxiety, giddiness Your first date is exciting and energising. Enjoy the moment and have fun, but be aware that if you get too excited, anxious and giddy, you may get too strong. Don’t let your worry stop your date from seeing the real you. Remember this is just a first date, and in your fantasies, don’t get too far ahead. This is a crucial time to learn about this other person so take your time to develop the relationship.

Be Charming

Don’t underestimate how powerful your smile can be-use it often, get in touch with your eyes and keep your conversation going. Pay attention to what you are interested in your date, and show interest in your opinions, experiences and activities. Whenever possible, be complementary, and respond intelligently to whatever you are told.

Have fun-Don’t get too heavy. Keep your date light and easy. Reflect on being sweet, having fun, and not getting too far ahead of the partnership, and you’re going to be a great company. Be cautious not to soliloquize-don’t chat too much about any one subject without asking your date to speak.

Keep Talk Open, Simple, No Dark Secrets

You should chat about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships and life in general, but don’t be the one who brings up the romantic topics first. Be cautious if you pry too closely into the private life and secrets of your partner, unless you willingly give the details.

Don’t say too much about yourself Keep your focus on getting to know your date and don’t speak too much about yourself. Dole some things about you, particularly if it is about what your date said, but don’t talk endlessly about your own life, thoughts, memories or hobbies.